Guardianship
One of the most important considerations for parents when making a will is whom they should appoint as guardian of their infant children should they die unexpectedly. The dilemmas faced by parents when confronting this issue vary from family to family. In episode 4, Sue looked at two families whose inability to reach agreement about guardians was causing stress and stainn on family relationships.
Step parents and the extended family
The first family involved Matthew, Sarah and Jason. Matthew and Sarah, the parents of Zoe (10), split up when Zoe was a baby. Sarah later married Jason and Jason became Zoe's step dad. Sarah and Jason then had a child of their own, Ruby (now 2). Zoe and Matthew enjoyed a very strong relationship. Sarah was concerned that, in the event of her death, Zoe and Ruby should stay together, and live with Jason. Matthew worried that he would be left out of the picture if Sarah died. Positions had become polarised.
Sue and Sir Gerry urged the family to develop of a line of communication and to discuss matters. After all of the heartache and worry, a simple conversation revealed that Matthew and Jason both wanted to do what was best for Zoe. Matthew supported the idea that Zoe should not be separated from her sister and Jason agreed that Matthew would need to spend more time with Zoe if her mother were to die. Sarah appointed Jason as Zoe's guardian in her will.
By talking about the issues, Sarah, Matthew and Jason avoided all of the heartache, uncertainty and financial cost that comes with litigation and which would have undoubtedly ensued, had the matter been left unresolved. They also paved the way for better relations between everyone during their lifetimes, which could only be good for Zoe and everyone else concerned.
Grandparents and joint guardianship
The second family concerned Becky and Ian and their three daughters. Both agreed that a guardian should be appointed, but Becky wished to appoint her mother and Ian to appoint his. They had reached a stalemate and could not see how to resolve matters.
Becky, a nurse who had given up work to look after the girls, was concerned that the children should have a quiet, conventional upbringing with her family. Ian, a GP and part-time arctic explorer wanted the girls to embrace adventure in their lives and to take risks, something which his parents would undoubtedly encourage.
Sue discussed various options with Becky and Ian: whether younger guardians should be appointed instead of grandparents; joint guardianship and the problems which arise when guardians disagree. Sue and Sir Gerry sat Becky and Ian and both sets of parents around a table to discuss the legal consequences which could arise should they fail to appoint a guardian, and explained various options available to them. Ultimately, the couple agreed that Becky's mother should be appointed as guardian for the girls in their wills. They also signed a letter of wishes which stated that Ian's parents should be actively involved in the children's lives so that Ian's adventurous ambitions for his daughters were respected.
Parents face difficult decisions over guardianship issues, but as demonstrated by both families, such issues can be resolved without the need to resort to court proceedings, if communication lines are opened and informed discussions take place.
A guardian is a person who is appointed to care for a child where all those with parental responsibility for the child, including his or her parents, have died. This episode raised important legal issues such as the legal status of step-parents and that of parents who, for one reason or another, do not have a parental responsibility order or agreement for their children.. Clearly, it is better for parents to be proactive and to tackle the issue, through informed discussion and maybe with the assistance of mediation or another form of alternative dispute resolution. In that way, the parents, not the courts, will determine their child's destiny.
